The GO Train is hell

For those readers from out of town the GO train is a commuter train that has been scientifically engineered to accomplish two things:

1. To move zombies from their suburban homes to their cubicles and back.

2. To rob all of it's passengers of the will to live.

additional inexplicable side effects of riding this train are:

1. A fashion sense that stops a name tag short of a Radio Shack uniform.

2. A pop culture frame of reference that is bookended by the major networks "must see TV", an arsenal of film knowledge that consists of references to Arachnophobia and the most recent installment of the spiderman franchise that was deemed to be "too sexy" in one woman's words (who I am certain is very impressed with herself for buying those capri pants and most amazingly of all, wearing them to the office on a MONDAY! Who's friends embarrassingly applaud her audacity with use of the words YOU GO GIRL!) and finally, a selection of paperbacks that are either based on the topic of "being happy" or have a cute sticker on the front letting everyone around you know that Oprah Winfrey and/or Heather Reisman are your close, personal friends of yours. I mean how else did you possibly discover that rare book, "The Purpose Driven Life"? I mean if it wasn't for the neatly piled stack of 200 copies at the front door you might have accidentally had an independent thought. Phew!

Now I have to go wash the complacency off me.

2 minutes weird - episode 2

God love the Germans and their bizzare brains.

THIS is the reason the expression "what the fuck!?" was coined.

Hey LOOK! It's the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse!

Michael, Michael, Michael...

THIS is why people hate you:

The man compares his acquittal to the fall of the Berlin wall and the freeing of Nelson Mandela. Sweet Merciful Allah Michael! The stones this guy has. Here's a plan, how about you understate something for once and maybe not make a ridiculous spectacle of yourself. i.e. showing up in a red suit to COURT.

I'd also pay $50 to personally bitch slap some of those people who were outside the courthouse each day. The one thing I am pretty happy about is that Nancy Grace has to eat crow for a few days. That woman must get her food spit in daily. She just had the foreman of the jury on her show and kept hounding him with "What do you think he was doing in the bedroom with those kids?" and the guy kept replying with "My thoughts are not in evidence, we had to rely on the testimony and evidence" which is exactly right but because that soundbyte jukebox Nancy Grace is looking stupid today she believes, as a former prosecutor, that the Jury should have voted on the conscience in the face of absence of evidence. It's called jury nullification you dizzy bitch that's why and it's illegal to even argue it!

Oh and thank you for the pop up graphic CNN, it was almost unclear except for the footer with size 200 font JACKSON AQUITTED. Why do I expect subtlety in cable news. It's really my fault, I expect too much.

Why in god's name does Canadian TV suck so much?

Let me begin by saying, I know I could just not watch but if that were true there would also be no rubber necking; some people just need to watch a car crash.

So after a being a dirty American Idol addict all this season I decided to give The Canadian Idol a shot. I thought, they had a good season, maybe they put some new money into the show or something. However, at the end of the day, people with no taste or sense of presentation are still behind the wheel.

So America has a population 10 times that of Canada and yet this season they decided they needed to open the competition to people up to 30 years old just to raise the bar of talent they send forward. However in Canada with our classic "isn't that nice that you're trying so hard" mentality we just have to keep it to 26 and in the process give validation to some of the most average, mediocre, 5 out of 10, boring singers I've heard in some time. Now I know a lot of people who know me will say that I'm just bitter because I was too old to audition and while that is true, I do think I could wipe the floor with these bitches I also do legitimately believe they need to open up the pool.

That being said, this could be a collection of some of the world's finest singers and I would still want to commit holy suicide just because of the absolutely horrific sketches they feel the need to kill time with.

Oh yeah, and nothing to me is more sad than the judges, it's hard to watch them compete for sound bytes to get more camera time. In fact I'm told that Jake Gould was apparently fighting for more camera time this year. Way to keep on track there Jake. Oh by the way, how are the bands your supposed to be managing doing while you're busy getting yourself more work than your clients. Also, this entertainment lawyer turned poser Zack Werner is about as intimidating as deaf/mute librarian in a coma.

Finally, I would love it if someone would punch Ben Mulroney square in the mouth. He's like Kirk Cameron with a frontal lobotomy.

The good news, I'll be blogging at least twice a week now as I tear these hacks a new ass.