Fan Mail

It's always nice to get fan mail.

Read the original message at the bottom first, it may help to see the masterwork in it's entireity.

Hi GBHWES@HOTMAIL.COM,

Thanks for comments and since you did put in the time to try to help us out, I felt it only right to help you.

"After reviewing your site and listening to your music," <--the comma, I find just really cleans up the pacing of your opening statement. You don't want to open on a run on sentence. Don't overlook a well placed comma.

"I deem it imperative to plead with you to cease and desist from making any further music." Really? What about in the figurative sense? Like how two lovers are said to be making beautiful music together. Would that be ok? Also are you still deeming it? Because if you're no longer deeming it, then you really have deemed it.

"The songs are fuckin dreadfull," Two things here 1. Its either fucking or fuckin', without the ' I feel denied closure. 2. Dreadful only has one l...unless you were emphasizing the point. If that was the case you should really have used more ls but even then it's really the 'ead' you want to emphasize. I.e. "Man, this guy's spelling is drEADful. See, that just scans better.

"You guys can't play your instruments to save your own lives" I might have to agree with you here, if the consequences were death, I would just be a bundle of nerves, no question. I think I speak for the band here, no one plays well while terrified.

"nor can you write a song worth shit." It's so refreshing to meet someone so likeminded, I also believe we cannot write songs worth shit. I, apparently like you, believe that our songs are worth substantially more. It's always nice to meet a fan.

"you guys are a bunch of no talent liberal suedo bohemian posers." Few things here. Firstly, we are probably not very good liberals. Secondly and even more impressively, I think you made the P in pseudo so silent that it even became invisible. Careful with that, I understand what you were saying but someone else might think you're ignorant, uneducated or worse, a liberal.

pseu·do/ˈsudoʊ/ Pronunciation[soo-doh]

–adjective 1. not actually but having the appearance of; pretended; false or spurious; sham.

It's rare that someone recognizes the complexities of our collective image. Being simply bohemian would be easy to spot. Similarly, being just a poser has been overdone in my opinion. However, being P"SEDUO bohemian posers" means that we aren't actually posers but have the appearance of. That's tricky and so far you're the only one smart enough to have spotted our subtlety.

"Maybe if you spent more time learning how to play than sucking each others dicks you might get somewhere." This bodes well for us because we spend so much more time learning how to play than we do performing fallatio on each other. So it would stand, by your reasoning, that the future is going to look very bright for us. I'm touched by your faith in the band. (..and sorry to be belabour the point but, "others" is actually in the possessive so you want to use the ' again... English is so tricky, gee I hope I'm being helpful)

"Fuck you fuck your band and fuck your fake polical views" You seem like the kinda guy that writes a lot so here's something that can help you save valuable keystrokes in future. Amalgamate similar thoughts. I.e. "Fuck you, your band and your fake polical views". You have to admit my way is better. Changing topics slightly, I personally am not aware of what policals are but you must. So, to that end here are some magazines you might enjoy:

http://www.amazon.com/Progressive-Polical-Magazines/lm/3WPTF1ZJAG7L

", you cunts don't know shit. Go read another Chomsky book you fuckin losers" This time you used a comma and you didn't have to. Also "go" and "read" are both kinda commands so you should put an 'and' in there, "Go AND read another Chomsky book you fuckin' losers." However you've once again shown an astute ear spotting the glaring influence of Noam Chomsky in our work:

"I try to stand
But I break down in a rush of sobs and heaves
I try to let go
But you echo
Inside of all that I believe"

It sickens me that no one else has decoded the metaphorical fabric that we have woven between our music and the underlying themes of Counter-Revolutionary Violence (1973).

In closing thanks for your time in writing us with your comments. Even with your high praise, we are humbled to be lucky enough to make music at all. Perhaps you are to. If so, please by all means send me a link to your band that I might see what comes from the sharpened mind of a true intellectual.

Best of luck regarding your inevitable suicide,

The Free Press.

-----Original Message-----
From: gbhwes@hotmail.com [mailto:gbhwes@hotmail.com]
Sent: September-21-07 7:38 PM
To: messages@freepressmusic.com
Subject: Your music

After reviewing your site and listening to your music I deem it imperative to plead with you to cease and desist from making any further music. The songs are fuckin dreadfull, you guys can't play your instruments to save your own lives nor can you write a song worth shit. you guys are a bunch of no talent liberal suedo bohemian posers. Maybe if you spent more time learning how to play than sucking each others dicks you might get somewhere. Fuck you fuck your band and fuck your fake polical views, you cunts don't know shit. Go read another Chomsky book you fuckin losers.

===

This message was sent via your Sonicbids EPK.

Get a Gig. Book a Band.

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===

A Conversation With The Juice

Here's what I think conversations with O.J. Simpson and his lawyers might have sounded like.

(scene)

JURY: We find the clearly guilty defendant, not guilty!

(fast forward 10 minutes)

O.J.: Wow, that was unexpected, nice work lawyers!

Lawyer: Yes, O.J. we are just as surprised as you are. Maybe more...but that's probably because we know you did it... who are we kidding....everyone knows you did it.

O.J.: I totally got away with killing two people.

Lawyer: Yes it would seem you did. Now O.J. I need to tell you something. You caught a break here but, and this is important, you must absolutely keep your nose clean now. They will lock you up for anything now, OMG they will lock you up!

O.J.: Got it, don't commit any more crimes. So just so we're clear...would breaking into a Las Vegas hotel room with guns qualify?

Lawyer: Hmmm let me get back you on that one.

(fast forward 10 years)

Lawyer: Hello?

O.J.: Hi it's O.J.

Lawyer: Oh hey O.J., oh man, is this about that thing I was supposed to get back to you on 10 years ago? Shit, I totally forgot.

O.J.: Yeah, funny thing actually.....

(fast foward 10 minutes)

Lawyer: Ok, we can spin this...uh... you were uh.... ok..... hang on a sec, I can do this....... Listen Juice, I just gotta say it, ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?

If I'm Ever Horribly Murdered...

...I hope my family and friends remain vigilant like that of Ron Goldman. For those of you who don't remember, he was one of the people ex Professional Football Player and Two Time Murderer, O.J. Simpson killed.

Man! I just watched some Oprah and ooooooo weeeee, they are just as angry, if not more, than the day OJ went free.

Your heart goes out to them but at SOME point they really start to scan crazy.

The White Stripes Cancel Tour Dates....

So The White Stripes have canceled their upcoming tour citing drummer Meg White's acute anxiety.

Believe it or not I don't have the typical problem with this, I think anxiety is a terrible mental disease that isn't taken seriously enough. What I don't believe is that Jack couldn't replace her in exactly 1.29 seconds given that she is the worst drummer on earth (including the weirdo near my house that beats a cardboard box with his shoe).

Battle of The Album Covers

I cannot understand how many hours went into making this:



Facebook readers: view original post to see embedded video.

Hungarian Rapper

This is so great:



Unfortunately, this now makes our effort to write the best song of all time and call it Stop The War in vain.

Facebook readers: view the original post so you can see the embedded video.

SPEAK: STOP THE WAR - LYRICS
Having trouble with the lyrics? Rest in peace, here's a transcript. We did the best we could, but feel free to post a comment if you think we made a mistake.

2003, I pray for God they people make the right decision
I don't wanna war. I just wanna peace. Stop the war. Check this.
I hope my black brothers feel the same like me
Dre, Snoop, Puff, L, Tupac Shakur, rest in peace. He was the best. My respect (yeee, c'mon)

I hate terrorists, and I understand you.
September 11, I'll never forget you. Rest in peace
Catch the bad man, stop your plan, bin Laden, thank Allah.
Yee c'mon. Stop the war. That's right.
Chorus:

Sometimes people make a war, don't know what is for (business)
Say you stop the war (yee c'mon, once again)
Sometimes people fight a war, don't know what is for (business)
Say you stop the war (yee that's right, c'mon)

I don't wanna war, I just want to live and love each other
My family, my friends. Nobody wants war. Life is short
Yee, c'mon, that's right. Check.

They just simple people, want simple life. Simple land, simple thing.
We have so many places. World is big. A place enough.
That's right. C'mon. Yee.

Don't make war any more. Show the right way. I pray. Don't kill each other
I don't wanna war. Stop your business. I pray for God, stop the war.
Yee, c'mon, that's right.
Chorus:

Sometimes people make a war, don't know what is for (business)
Say you stop the war (Yee c'mon, once again)
Sometimes people fight a war, don't know what is for (business) Say you stop the war (Yee that's right, c'mon, together)

We don't wanna war. Takacs Tamas, Varga Miklos, Bebe, Naszi,
My respect, Speak. I'll be back. Peace.

Lo-fi Garbage

I'm officially sick of low fidelity recordings. These go by many alias in attempt to making them artistically legitimate: indie, garage, organic...blah blah blah. Here's the truth, these records sound like garbage. It's the recording equivalent of wearing second hand clothes and vintage t-s to show everyone how serious you are about your 'art'. Your record sounds like shit because you're a lazy slacker not because you are pushing back against the onslaught of corporate over produced recordings.

This is not to say I don't think records are over produced these days. They definitely are. One need only put out any Fall Out Boy record and then watch their live show to see that the real stars in that band are Steve Jobs >> Apple Computer >> The Mac >> Pro Tools >> Antaris >> Autotune in reverse order.

The kind of organic, rootsey, accessible tone you're going for is one of the hardest things you can do, it's not just about opening up some microphones and rolling tape. It's also not a cheap proposition.

The following are a couple albums that I would like Jack White and associates to listen to:

1. John Mayer - Continuum
2. Blue Rodeo - Five Days in July (save the guitar solo in Five Days in May)
3. Bruce Springsteen - Nebraska

Not over produced, real, powerful, organic and sonicly beautiful. It can happen but it requires more than a intentional desire to not sound 'corporate'