Fan Mail

It's always nice to get fan mail.

Read the original message at the bottom first, it may help to see the masterwork in it's entireity.

Hi GBHWES@HOTMAIL.COM,

Thanks for comments and since you did put in the time to try to help us out, I felt it only right to help you.

"After reviewing your site and listening to your music," <--the comma, I find just really cleans up the pacing of your opening statement. You don't want to open on a run on sentence. Don't overlook a well placed comma.

"I deem it imperative to plead with you to cease and desist from making any further music." Really? What about in the figurative sense? Like how two lovers are said to be making beautiful music together. Would that be ok? Also are you still deeming it? Because if you're no longer deeming it, then you really have deemed it.

"The songs are fuckin dreadfull," Two things here 1. Its either fucking or fuckin', without the ' I feel denied closure. 2. Dreadful only has one l...unless you were emphasizing the point. If that was the case you should really have used more ls but even then it's really the 'ead' you want to emphasize. I.e. "Man, this guy's spelling is drEADful. See, that just scans better.

"You guys can't play your instruments to save your own lives" I might have to agree with you here, if the consequences were death, I would just be a bundle of nerves, no question. I think I speak for the band here, no one plays well while terrified.

"nor can you write a song worth shit." It's so refreshing to meet someone so likeminded, I also believe we cannot write songs worth shit. I, apparently like you, believe that our songs are worth substantially more. It's always nice to meet a fan.

"you guys are a bunch of no talent liberal suedo bohemian posers." Few things here. Firstly, we are probably not very good liberals. Secondly and even more impressively, I think you made the P in pseudo so silent that it even became invisible. Careful with that, I understand what you were saying but someone else might think you're ignorant, uneducated or worse, a liberal.

pseu·do/ˈsudoʊ/ Pronunciation[soo-doh]

–adjective 1. not actually but having the appearance of; pretended; false or spurious; sham.

It's rare that someone recognizes the complexities of our collective image. Being simply bohemian would be easy to spot. Similarly, being just a poser has been overdone in my opinion. However, being P"SEDUO bohemian posers" means that we aren't actually posers but have the appearance of. That's tricky and so far you're the only one smart enough to have spotted our subtlety.

"Maybe if you spent more time learning how to play than sucking each others dicks you might get somewhere." This bodes well for us because we spend so much more time learning how to play than we do performing fallatio on each other. So it would stand, by your reasoning, that the future is going to look very bright for us. I'm touched by your faith in the band. (..and sorry to be belabour the point but, "others" is actually in the possessive so you want to use the ' again... English is so tricky, gee I hope I'm being helpful)

"Fuck you fuck your band and fuck your fake polical views" You seem like the kinda guy that writes a lot so here's something that can help you save valuable keystrokes in future. Amalgamate similar thoughts. I.e. "Fuck you, your band and your fake polical views". You have to admit my way is better. Changing topics slightly, I personally am not aware of what policals are but you must. So, to that end here are some magazines you might enjoy:

http://www.amazon.com/Progressive-Polical-Magazines/lm/3WPTF1ZJAG7L

", you cunts don't know shit. Go read another Chomsky book you fuckin losers" This time you used a comma and you didn't have to. Also "go" and "read" are both kinda commands so you should put an 'and' in there, "Go AND read another Chomsky book you fuckin' losers." However you've once again shown an astute ear spotting the glaring influence of Noam Chomsky in our work:

"I try to stand
But I break down in a rush of sobs and heaves
I try to let go
But you echo
Inside of all that I believe"

It sickens me that no one else has decoded the metaphorical fabric that we have woven between our music and the underlying themes of Counter-Revolutionary Violence (1973).

In closing thanks for your time in writing us with your comments. Even with your high praise, we are humbled to be lucky enough to make music at all. Perhaps you are to. If so, please by all means send me a link to your band that I might see what comes from the sharpened mind of a true intellectual.

Best of luck regarding your inevitable suicide,

The Free Press.

-----Original Message-----
From: gbhwes@hotmail.com [mailto:gbhwes@hotmail.com]
Sent: September-21-07 7:38 PM
To: messages@freepressmusic.com
Subject: Your music

After reviewing your site and listening to your music I deem it imperative to plead with you to cease and desist from making any further music. The songs are fuckin dreadfull, you guys can't play your instruments to save your own lives nor can you write a song worth shit. you guys are a bunch of no talent liberal suedo bohemian posers. Maybe if you spent more time learning how to play than sucking each others dicks you might get somewhere. Fuck you fuck your band and fuck your fake polical views, you cunts don't know shit. Go read another Chomsky book you fuckin losers.

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