A Conversation With The Juice

Here's what I think conversations with O.J. Simpson and his lawyers might have sounded like.

(scene)

JURY: We find the clearly guilty defendant, not guilty!

(fast forward 10 minutes)

O.J.: Wow, that was unexpected, nice work lawyers!

Lawyer: Yes, O.J. we are just as surprised as you are. Maybe more...but that's probably because we know you did it... who are we kidding....everyone knows you did it.

O.J.: I totally got away with killing two people.

Lawyer: Yes it would seem you did. Now O.J. I need to tell you something. You caught a break here but, and this is important, you must absolutely keep your nose clean now. They will lock you up for anything now, OMG they will lock you up!

O.J.: Got it, don't commit any more crimes. So just so we're clear...would breaking into a Las Vegas hotel room with guns qualify?

Lawyer: Hmmm let me get back you on that one.

(fast forward 10 years)

Lawyer: Hello?

O.J.: Hi it's O.J.

Lawyer: Oh hey O.J., oh man, is this about that thing I was supposed to get back to you on 10 years ago? Shit, I totally forgot.

O.J.: Yeah, funny thing actually.....

(fast foward 10 minutes)

Lawyer: Ok, we can spin this...uh... you were uh.... ok..... hang on a sec, I can do this....... Listen Juice, I just gotta say it, ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?